Mystery Date

I've been doing some serious "dating" in the last 2 months and they have all ended disastrously. Whether it was the date that started with a man with one of those cell phone clips (so sexy), a man who might as well have been one of my ex boyfriends twins, or the boy who was "sure I wanted a SERIOUS relationship" they have all ended with me saying "I'll call you" and running as quick as my stilettos can carry me. At this point in my life there are only a couple of things that I am serious about. I seriously want a beautiful apartment, a meaningful job, and a group of friends who are more fun than anything else. To me serious means involved to the point of becoming a unit and that is not what I am looking for. I just want someone to have fun with me right now. I want someone who is a long for the ride and making the journey, but do I want to "go to Christmas", "have couple dates" and "check in" with someone right now? NO!

One of the respectable (but not so bright) men asked me what I was looking for? I gave him a filler answer (it's not you it's me...), but this is what I'm actually looking for: a life full of memories that make me laugh, I want to look at my time in KC and have stories that make me laugh until I cry. A reputation that proceeds me. A job that gives me meaning and purpose everyday and when it's not giving me purpose I want to figure it out, on my own without some lost soul of a man trying to guide me. I think that there are a large amount of people who are ready to settle. I am not. I really want to be happy forever. Not just happy for a couple of months and one big day. As I sat and listened to one of my closest friends, who got married just 6 months ago, explain her marriage without love, the feeling of being trapped and not being able to find her way out, I realized that this is my greatest fear.Don't get me wrongI love the idea of having a family, settling down, and giving a man and my children everything they could ask for, but I am not so focused on that that I am willing to throw away my on going happiness. Despite my impulse to be happy and settle down more than anything I want to be happy in the long run.

And after all of that I have come to the realization that despite the "loneliness" that comes with being single in the city, I would trade being single for being in a "love less marriage" and "the feeling of being trapped" any day.