coming into focus

for some reason I keep finding myself in a series of akward events. i beat myself up over and over again and down play my strengths. i don't give myself credit for what i have going for me. it takes time to get where you want to be, but i've become her. it took time, but i'm who i wanted to be and finally the kinds of people that I have always wanted to be drawn to me are starting. i still atract the same odd characters as before, but at least now sometimes the characters aren't as scary. i am going to say something that is very confusing. but i want to do this whole single thing. i have to do this whole single thing. i need to stop feeling unwanted. there will be someone who wants me, eventually, but it is better to be single until the proper situation arises instead of being with someone and finding my self drowning in something i don't actally want. i've seen several tiny glimpses into what is avaliable if i wait. i really want to be happy and start my life right now, but that is not really an options. so i'll wait until the right time. really i'm not even waiting. i'm living and i'm making memories and i'm gathering my life and putting all of the pieces in place and when the time comes and the right man finds me it will work and it will be everything it is suppose to be. until then i will keep living and keep doing what i'm doing and the time is right what is suppose to happen will happen. there are benefits in waiting. the right fit will last forever, temporary lonliness is worth it.