I am just now begining to realize how interesting life becomes. As I sit at home tonight after turning down a date, as well as a baseball game, watching a show I can't stand...This is exactly what I had in mind for life in the city. I am starting to realize that no matter how much you visualize things, and no matter what you "see" for your life what you think and what you want doesn't matter as much as you would like for it to. I am literally living the dream that I always wanted to live, but it's not as dreamy as I thought it would be. I hadn't realized that this transition would be a series of ups and downs so dramatic that I am motion sick all the time.
My life is absolutley crazy, I thought that I wanted to date and meet people. I thought I wanted to hang out with groups of people and explore the social world. I'm really not sure that's what I want. I want to crawl into a whole and hide. I need to experience everything. I need to go on so that I don't ever have regrets about the life I could have, and should have lived. But no matter how much I know that I need to do that I just want to hide!
How is it possible that when you think, you're probably positive of what you want, you realize you had no idea all along. Everyone else's life is happening around me, and I don't really want their lives. But, the question I have is...If the life I always wanted isn't what I thought it was going to be then what am I waiting for now? If everything I thought I was looking forward to turned out to be a disaster where do I go?
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