Honestly

I have an honest qustion. It's not loaded or forced just honest. I am a 5'10 woman who grew up with a dad that's well over six feet. I've never been attracted to men that were shorter than me or my same height, I dated a guy who was "6 ft" (yea right more like 5'11) and it was always something I was catious and worried about. I decided the next guy I met I wouldn't let that happen. Why do men assume that they are the problem? I recognize that this is a "hangup" and totally my fault. I know that it shouldn't matter, but it does. I try to give shorter guys a chance, but everytime it ends up weirding me out. Not because I think their less manly or any of that b.s. Because I'm not confident enough in my self to put on heels and tower over a man. Because I would rather hide behind a man, than lead him. Because I want to be with someone who makes me seem average instead of overweight and too tall. I know that I'm really not even "overweight" anymore and really I'm not that tall, but after my last relationship and some of the things he said, I can't seem to shake that feeling. I don't think it's bad to know what you want. Why can't life, be more of a compromise. I know that I have some hangups I need to work through, but there are plenty of people who have bigger hangups than me who are living some version of someone's dream.

I finally look in the mirror and see a normal looking person. I finally know myself well enough to love even the biggest flaws I have, but I am begining to think that this w particular issue will be one of those things I just can't shake. It's okay for guys to prefer blondes or petite girls. Why isn't it ok for me to prefer a man who I can toss me around a little when it matters.